Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
