Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
