So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
