dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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