Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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