one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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