The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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