hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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