I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
