he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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