My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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