to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
