I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
