So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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