This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
