It's just like the Real World with babies
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
