Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
