So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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