You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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