your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
