I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
