Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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