State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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