how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
