Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
