also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
