Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
