My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
