I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
