you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
