this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
