A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
