??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
