ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
farters have to be the big spoon...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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