I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
