oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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