i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
