ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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