I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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