I love black thongs
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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