dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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