At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
