im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
