Are you still at the party or did I leave?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
