Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
