Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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