Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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