"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
