$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
