Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
