This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
