First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
